Philena At Home

 Hey! I woke up ready to talk, I hope you're ready.  I came up during the pandemic.  It felt like divine intervention. We were broke. Dead broke and struggling. We were living check to check off one income. Our budget was tight, but we were making it until some ass hole stole my husband's debit card information and went on a shopping spree somewhere in Kansas with our rent money!  It was like the smoking volcano finally erupted. Our landlord was an even bigger ass hole than the one who stole our money, of course and wouldn't give us an extension on our rent while we sorted things out with the bank.  Now to add insult to injury we were facing eviction.  I thought I was going to break. It was like a never-ending cycle, but a voice inside me (I now know that voice to be my intuition/ the God in me, but we'll talk about that another day) said just wait and watch. Find an apartment move and watch.  We didn't have many choices, so I did what I felt and when ...

My 9-year-old daughter introduced me to the world of Aesthetic Tik Toks and now.... For those of you who are looking at the screen like I'm speaking gibberish log into your Tik Tok account or your kid's your niece's or nephew's and look it up! If you are anything like me, you won't regret it. An Aesthetic Tik Tok can only be explained by the way it makes you feel while watching.  Words will not suffice. You must see it to understand it.   The first time I watched I was glued to the screen for 45 minutes straight with my lips slightly parted and one eye half closed. I was watching what people do before bed, listening to the sound of dog food being poured into metal bowls, and comparing as different women shared their ideas for getting rid of strawberry legs using beautiful clips of their shower shaving products and processes. The only thing I could say after is, what was that?  These Tik Toks are so satisfying. Before I started writing this today, I watched a woman p...

 It's day two of my consistency challenge and I'm already feeling the heat. I got a late start on my day. I usually wake up around 5am and read, I make sure the kids are up and getting ready around 6, We leave at 7:15 and I'm back home cleaning getting ready for my morning workout by 8. By10 I am full of green juice and green water and ready to start work creating word art! Today I woke up at 6:40am the kids were still asleep and didn't want to get up. We didn't leave until 7:45. After I dropped them off, I went to pick up our grocery order and what usually takes me five -ten minutes max took more than thirty minutes because everyone called off today. There was literally one woman bringing out all of the orders and at least ten cars waiting. I was cool, didn't Black Karen out, life is good, I had all the patience for waiting and even more gratitude that I didn't have to go in and do it myself. I took the time to do the reading I didn't do earlier. By the...

For the next 31 days I am challenging myself to do what I said I am going to do. To some this may sound like cake work but for me it is not. I am an artist. I have finally become comfortable saying it and standing in all that comes with it. I am occasionally flighty, and more days than not I am inconsistent. I change my mind often and don't show up when I should. I am not always this way and these are not all of the qualities I possess, however I am self aware enough to acknowledge that this is a part of me that needs work, so I have chosen today to put the effort and time into starting the work.  I won't lie, I'm nervous. I feel vulnerable, like I'm taking my socks off in front of people and I don't remember if I lotioned my feet or painted my toes. I'm going for it though!  I have been doing some major self work over the past few years, and I feel like I've grown tremendously. I've faced some major issues like addiction to external validation, and sex....

I've been 40 for about two weeks now, and I'm really enjoying it. I feel young but not too young and then I feel older but not aarp yet. Like an established adult. Middleaged??  In my mind 1-39 is the bottom and 40-86 is the top. Last year I was at the top of the bottom, and this year I'm at the bottom of the top. I made it. I crossed over!  I  finally got my shit together. I am officially, School! If you know you know. In case you don't, School is a term used by individuals usually from the hood, reserved for cool older gentlemen and Bad older women. Think old school. Ask a young man you know if there's an older woman at work he might mess with if given the opportunity. She sexy, looks good for her age, brings her lunch from home and it always looks good, fashionable, not really trying to keep up with the young girls but she's holding. She has her own vibe and it's nice. That's me. I'm School! I'm all natural these days. No enhancements or alter...

I wrote a book in 2017 just to see if I could. A soft voice told me to try it and watch what happens. I've learned over the past few years to listen to that voice whenever it speaks. It led me here to you. I wrote my first book really fast, in less than a month. The words ran out of me like water from a faucet on full blast. It was so liberating and fulfilling. For the first time I could remember I felt satisfied. I was able to tell the story  I wanted to tell freely without being interrupted because it was too long or boring for the people around me. I didn't have to dilute it for those who couldn't handle the language I like to use. I didn't even have to leave parts out for fear of judgmental people who tried to make me feel bad about my life choices.  I was able to be vulnerable when I wrote and I felt alive, like I had a purpose like there was something sleeping in me that had been awakened from years of hibernation.    I remembered lots of things while I wrote t...

Welcome !   I am Philena proud mommy of two, loving wife to an incredible king, and woman fast approaching 40, I mean like a few  days  from now fast. I am learning who I am at this age and stage in life and deciding what I want to do about it is a journey!   You have stumbled upon my journal/ my blog Philena At Home.  It’s  a place where I spend a lot of time talking myself through life and its many mysteries twists and turns. I give my opinion, I vent, I give advice, and I ask for some too.     I have  been writing here for almost ten years off and on. I started when my daughter was born with the intention of creating a stream of income to ensure I could stay home and raise her and still pay my portion of the bills. I wanted to be home with her but being dependent on a man for  all of  our daily needs was crazy to me at that time. I went from Miss Independent to Mrs. and  Mommy too quick for my comfort level. Back then I...