Last week in therapy we discussed focusing on the way I see myself versus the way others see me and allowing myself to be the person I see, out loud in the world. MORE SELF WORK! I actually enjoyed this one. I needed it!
For most of my life I have felt misunderstood in my friendships and relationships, and have had a hard time maintaining them long term because I just couldn't find people I connected with who got me. Well that's what I thought it was, the truth is I WAS THE PROBLEM! Yep that again!
I haven't let many people into my inner world. In social settings I'm quiet and observant. I don't share much of my life or my story. I keep people at a distance to protect myself, and it works, I don't get hurt often. The only thing that's bad about it is I don't have many friends. I don't have any if I'm being completely honest. I have my sisters and brothers, my cousins my mom and my husband. This was fine until I started all this self-work, and realized I wouldn't mind having some friends. A few people to celebrate big wins with or run ideas by doesn't sound bad. A couple of moms dealing with similar parenting issues might be nice. Somebody to have a drink with when my husband just doesn't get it could be fun.
In the past I've ended friendships because I felt judged and misunderstood. I thought if people hung out with me long enough they would just get to know me and if they knew me they would understand me even if I didn't talk much, even if I didn't share my life or my story. I guess I thought it would happen organically or through osmosis or something. I didn't know that there was work involved! I know this sounds dumb to those of you with amazing friendships but I didn't know you had to be vulnerable and share the you you see in the mirror in the morning; hair pushed to the side crust in your eyes, morning breath and all. I thought I barely want to look at her why would anyone else want to know her. I thought it was normal to always at least look like you have your shit together even if you don't. I had no idea I didn't like myself until I actually started liking myself, and realizing other people like me too.
A little advice...don't start working on yourself if you're not ready to spend days crying in a corner after realizing you are not who you thought you were!
My homework today is to make a list of ten things I want people to know and remember about me. Ten things I love about myself that make me who I am. I'm writing them here because why not! I'm ready for some real adult friendships, and from what I understand openness vulnerability and putting yourself out there is one of the keys!
10 Things I Like About Me
1. I am a dreamer and I follow my dreams! I have started at least twenty businesses that did not work and three that did. I have zero regrets! Some people look down on that. They say I'm flighty, and I should settle down and get a real job. I say I'm an entrepreneur, a trailblazer! I am creating the path out of poverty for myself my family and the generations of my bloodline to come. I have learned from others like me that every successful person fails more times than they succeed, and it is the mantra that I live by. I am not like most and I am okay with that!
2. I'm dependable and loyal to those who are dependable and loyal to me. You treat me well I treat you better!
3. I love hard and I expect to be loved hard. Love is not just a word for me it's action. When I love you you know it. I do all that I can to make sure the people I love feel cared for and protected. I use love to build people up, and I expect the same in return.
4. When I'm done I'm done. I am kind and patient. I allow people to make mistakes. I give second third and sometimes even fourth chances because I understand the complexity of humanity, but if I find someone taking advantage of my kindness or assuming I'm weak I don't attempt to prove a thing I simply take away my presence.
5. I don't accept anything less than what's best for me. It took me a while to get to this place. It took me a while to stop settling and to stop trying to change people, and to stop forcing situations that weren't meant to work. It took me a long time to start loving myself and now that I do I love me better than anyone else can. If you don't respect that and rise to meet me where I am you are not for me at this time. Please don't look at that as me looking down on anyone it is me looking at me face to face and respecting what I see.
6. I choose happiness over everything! If it doesn't feel like love peace joy pleasure or freedom, I don't want it, I don't want to be around it, I'm not going, I don't care what it is or who it is for.
7. I'm a good friend, I don't judge, and I'm a great listener. You can ask me anything and my advice will be the same 99% of the time; what do you really want to do? Do that!
8. I mind my business. I made my own lane and I stayed in it. I don't worry about what anyone else is doing because I have a life of my own and things I am trying to figure out! I have seen enough and been through enough that life has shut my mouth and quieted my curiosities! I do what's best for me and I encourage you to do what is best for you.
9.I am a homebody! I get out from time to time when the mood is right but my favorite place in the world is home! I put on my best outfits just to sit on my couch and read a book or lay in my bed and watch tv.
10. I love learning! I like smart movies thought provoking shows and deep intellectual conversations that I can't keep up with. I ask lots of questions when I don't understand things because I genuinely want to know.
It felt really good writing this list. Like I was introducing myself to the world, while affirming myself all at the same time. What do you think? How did I do? If you have time do the homework too! What's on your list? Do we have anything in common? Comment down below or get in my dm's on social media. I would love to hear from you!
Talk again soon
Thanks For Reading!
Philena M.
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