Philena At Home

School starts next week, and I have concerns.   I just read that our school district is down 1800 teachers. I don't know what my kids will be learning this year or who will be teaching them and I'm nervous. I've spoken with a few teachers and administrator friends I have who work for the district and they're confident things will be alright, but they are always hopeful after a good long summer break. I on the other hand am not so optimistic.  Last year my daughter had two teachers pack up mid-day and leave never to return again. My son had a substitute for math the entire year. Last year the district was down 781 teachers, this year's number is more than double that! I don't know what they have planned, or if they even have a plan!  I was considering home school, it worked really well for us during covid, but I'mma just be honest, I don't really want to do it! I know how important my kid's education is and I don't have the time needed to ensure t

Last week in therapy we discussed focusing on the way I see myself versus the way others see me and allowing myself to be the person I see, out loud in the world. MORE SELF WORK! I actually enjoyed this one. I needed it!   For most of my life I have felt misunderstood in my friendships and relationships, and have had a hard time maintaining them long term because I just couldn't find people I connected with who got me. Well that's what I thought it was, the truth is I WAS THE PROBLEM!  Yep that again!  I haven't let many people into my inner world. In social settings I'm quiet and observant. I don't share much of my life or my story. I keep people at a distance to protect myself, and it works, I don't get hurt often. The only thing that's bad about it is I don't have many friends.  I don't have any if I'm being completely honest. I have my sisters and brothers, my cousins my mom and my husband. This was fine until I started all this self-work, an

I've been wondering lately what are you doing to make money? I'm not usually nosey like this, in fact I am the first to speak out against people who ask the question "What do you do for a living," when you've known them for all of 2 minutes. Questions like this are usually used to judge and rank people and I think that's trash to say the least, however I need some answers!  In my city housing costs are at an all-time ridiculous high, gas is almost $5 per gallon, and don't even get me started on food. With everything being so expensive you'd think people would be working, but every place I go is short staffed and hiring! On top of that, I've been a stay at home mom for about eight years, I used to do all of my errands and leisure activities with my kids early week day mornings, after rush hour, but before lunch. I could literally be in Walmart with one white haired lady on one of those scooter baskets and three employees, but now there are people ev

 Hey! I woke up ready to talk, I hope you're ready.  I came up during the pandemic.  It felt like divine intervention. We were broke. Dead broke and struggling. We were living check to check off one income. Our budget was tight, but we were making it until some ass hole stole my husband's debit card information and went on a shopping spree somewhere in Kansas with our rent money!  It was like the smoking volcano finally erupted. Our landlord was an even bigger ass hole than the one who stole our money, of course and wouldn't give us an extension on our rent while we sorted things out with the bank.  Now to add insult to injury we were facing eviction.  I thought I was going to break. It was like a never-ending cycle, but a voice inside me (I now know that voice to be my intuition/ the God in me, but we'll talk about that another day) said just wait and watch. Find an apartment move and watch.  We didn't have many choices, so I did what I felt and when I tell you the

My 9-year-old daughter introduced me to the world of Aesthetic Tik Toks and now.... For those of you who are looking at the screen like I'm speaking gibberish log into your Tik Tok account or your kid's your niece's or nephew's and look it up! If you are anything like me, you won't regret it. An Aesthetic Tik Tok can only be explained by the way it makes you feel while watching.  Words will not suffice. You must see it to understand it.   The first time I watched I was glued to the screen for 45 minutes straight with my lips slightly parted and one eye half closed. I was watching what people do before bed, listening to the sound of dog food being poured into metal bowls, and comparing as different women shared their ideas for getting rid of strawberry legs using beautiful clips of their shower shaving products and processes. The only thing I could say after is, what was that?  These Tik Toks are so satisfying. Before I started writing this today, I watched a woman p

 It's day two of my consistency challenge and I'm already feeling the heat. I got a late start on my day. I usually wake up around 5am and read, I make sure the kids are up and getting ready around 6, We leave at 7:15 and I'm back home cleaning getting ready for my morning workout by 8. By10 I am full of green juice and green water and ready to start work creating word art! Today I woke up at 6:40am the kids were still asleep and didn't want to get up. We didn't leave until 7:45. After I dropped them off, I went to pick up our grocery order and what usually takes me five -ten minutes max took more than thirty minutes because everyone called off today. There was literally one woman bringing out all of the orders and at least ten cars waiting. I was cool, didn't Black Karen out, life is good, I had all the patience for waiting and even more gratitude that I didn't have to go in and do it myself. I took the time to do the reading I didn't do earlier. By the

For the next 31 days I am challenging myself to do what I said I am going to do. To some this may sound like cake work but for me it is not. I am an artist. I have finally become comfortable saying it and standing in all that comes with it. I am occasionally flighty, and more days than not I am inconsistent. I change my mind often and don't show up when I should. I am not always this way and these are not all of the qualities I possess, however I am self aware enough to acknowledge that this is a part of me that needs work, so I have chosen today to put the effort and time into starting the work.  I won't lie, I'm nervous. I feel vulnerable, like I'm taking my socks off in front of people and I don't remember if I lotioned my feet or painted my toes. I'm going for it though!  I have been doing some major self work over the past few years, and I feel like I've grown tremendously. I've faced some major issues like addiction to external validation, and sex.